so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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