Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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