Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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