The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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