As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it glows. i had to have it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
