Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize