last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
