I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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