Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
