Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
