I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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