So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
