Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
