I want to walk on stilts...naked
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
