So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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