And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
