3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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