Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Even my vagina gasped.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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