you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
