nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
