Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
