toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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