Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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