I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
