I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
