Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
