Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize