I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
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