My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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