When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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