Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
