Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
