So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
