Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
