I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you win again, gameday.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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