So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
