As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
