fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
