While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
