Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response