i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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