Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
