ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
