she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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