I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
