i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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