you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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