I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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