Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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