you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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