I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
