she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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