Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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