And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he just fucked me for my cheese.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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