Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's always time for handjobs
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
