I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
