then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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