it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
