I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
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Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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