U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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