Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
