So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
