so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
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Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
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Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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