Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
