new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
