Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
