i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
