Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
