some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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