Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
