don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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