THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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