i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
