We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
