So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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